I'm so Disappoint !!!

I hate myself !!
That sentence always come and stay on my mind in this few days, few weeks exactly. I don't know why, why do I always want to say that sentence if I'm so sad, I'm so Disappoint and feel lonely even there are many lovely people around me.
It happen not because I'm in girl's zone ('M'), but this is coming suddenly into my life. This is not the 1st time i feel like this, but i dont know why this time is different with before.

If i was alone, i feel so lonely, even some sms' come to handphone, even my lovely person call me, i'll feel happy just for a moment, but after that i feel lonely again, i hate myself !! why should i feel like this. As usuall if I feel like this, I cry and tell my best Jesus all 'bout this, ask His help to get me out from this situation, and then I call my mother, even I never tell her the truth, 'cos I will feel bad if hear she's crying by listened my problems.

I want to find a place in this town, where I can tell the earth I'm bored !!!!!
Why Am I different from another people, never feel sad, never feel Disappoint, never crying, never hate their selves.
argggggggg........
And today, bad news comes to me,hiks...hiks....hiks...
I can't describe my feeling to hear that, but that's the fact, i should face it.
God always has a best plan for me, all the things that happend to me is His plan.
but i can't lie to myself that I'm so Disappoint !

Tears...why do you should be given?!
Thank you Lord You give me tears, which always accompany me if i don't know what to do,
but how if there is no tears?Do we never cry?and what will happen if Lord gives us tears, but we never know Do we have tears or not, 'cos it never fall down into our cheek.

I Love my tears, even all people know me as an Mushy girl, but i love my tears so.....Tengkiu Lord for the tears.